What movies teach

[Collette Darden <csdarden@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES:

*During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip
club at least once.
*All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
*Most dogs are immortal.
*If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.
Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
*All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit
level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
*All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
*It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the
control tower to talk you down.
*Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
*The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one
will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other
part of the building you want without difficulty.
*If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition even
if you haven't been carrying any before now.
*You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
*Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be
necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
*If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art exhibition.
*The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
*A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
*If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it
before long.
*The Chief of Police is always black.
*When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -
just grab one at random and hand it over.  It will always be the exact fare.
*Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in
the universe.
*Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you
should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
*If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises
in their most revealing underwear.
*Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say,
"Enter Password Now."
*Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every
morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
*Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
*The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him
48 hours to finish the job.
*A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
*Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
*Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object
out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this
technology.
*Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
*It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone
conversations.
*Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn
the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
*All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
*It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
*A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
*If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will
know all the steps.
*Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication
systems of any invading alien civilization.
*It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts.  Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by
dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
*When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will
never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
*No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or
alien invasion will ever go into shock. 
*Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they
are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
*When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. 
*You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. 
*Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless
it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. 
*An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no
lasting damage to an eight year old child.
*Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at that precise moment.