[Jokequeen] Rules to Live By

[Collette Darden <csdarden@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

>         *AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
>
>           1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour 
> a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be 
> instantly removed.
>           2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by 
> getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
>           3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat 
> by simply using the sink.
>           4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and 
> bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your 
> veins.  Remember to use a timer.
>           5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will 
> prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the 
> snooze button.
>           6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, 
> then you will be afraid to cough.
>           7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you 
> will forget about the toothache.
>           Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life 
> really are:
>           You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
>           If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
>           If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
>
>
>           Remember:
>           Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
>
>           And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you 
> never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.*
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