[Jokequeen] Duh, duh, duh, dispatch

[Collette Darden <csdarden@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

> Actual 9-1-1 calls
>
>
>
> Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
>
> Caller:  I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on 
> the corner.
> Dispatcher:  Do you have an  address?
> Caller:  No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks,  why?
>
>
> Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
> Caller:  Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and 
> cheese sandwich.
> Dispatcher:  Excuse  me?
> Caller:  I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table 
> and when I came  back from the bathroom, someone had taken  a bite out of it.
> Dispatcher:  Was anything else  taken?
> Caller:   No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick  and tired of it
>
>
> Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?
> Caller:  Fire, I guess.
> Dispatcher:  How can I  help you sir?
> Caller:  I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put  snow chains on their 
> trucks?
> Dispatcher:  Yes sir, do you have an  emergency?
> Caller:  Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put  these chains on 
> my tires and... well.. do you think the Fire Dept. could  come over and 
> help me?
> Dispatcher:  Help you what?
> Caller:  Help me get these chains on my  car!
>
>
>
> Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is  the nature of your emergency?
> Caller:  I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an 
> eleven on it.
> Dispatcher:  This  is nine eleven.
> Caller:  I thought you just said it was  nine-one-one
> Dispatcher:  Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
> Caller:  Honey, I may be old, but I'm not  stupid.
>
>
> Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's  the nature of your emergency?
> Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
> Dispatcher:  Is this her first child?
> Caller:  No, you idiot!  This is her husband!
>
>
>
> Dispatcher: 9-1-1
> Caller:  Yeah,  I'm having trouble breathing.  I'm all out of 
> breath.  Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
> Dispatcher:  Sir, where are you calling from?
> Caller:  I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn......
> Dispatcher:  Sir, an ambulance is on the way.  Are you an asthmatic?
> Caller:  No
> Dispatcher:  What were you doing before you started having trouble  breathing?
> Caller:  Running from the  Police.
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