[Jokequeen] Smoking

[Collette Darden <csdarden@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

A couple of years ago tobacco giant Philip Morris funded a study on the 
positive effects of smoking, and concluded that early deaths due to smoking 
were GOOD for a government -- saving much money in health care, pensions, etc.
Wonder what else they discovered?
The Top 23 Other Interesting Findings by Philip Morris
23. A daily snack of cigarette filters can be a valuable source of roughage.
22. Average cremation costs for a smoker are significantly less because 
their dried lungs act as kindling.
21. Emphysema sufferers leave more air for the rest of us!
20. Lung disease is good for the environment, since the painful shallow 
breathing puts less carbon monoxide into the atmosphere.
19. Our studies show, if we quit making political donations, the whole 
house of cards comes tumblin' down.
18. Smoker's hacking coughs are make it easier for Army officers to keep 
track of their men on night operations in the field.
17. Dead smokers don't redeem their Marlboro Miles.
16. Cigarettes don't kill people -- cancer kills people.
15. 10 out of 10 lung cancer patients lost weight and kept it off!
14. Dying of lung cancer saves people from the anguish of a mid-life crisis.
13. A persistent hacking cough is excellent aerobic exercise *and* really 
works the abs.
12. Facial wrinkles, yellow teeth and shriveled lips greatly reduce the 
risk of being stalked.
11. Because of an accounting error in promotions, if everyone under the age 
of 18 pooled their Marlboro Miles, they could buy the company.
10. Abundance of nutritious carbohydrates in Miller beer make for an 
excellent energy drink.
9. Yellow nicotine teeth stains provide camouflage in cases of jungle combat.
8. Discarded butts make a great snack for rats *and* choke thousands of 
disease-carrying pigeons to death every year.
7. Little kids think that adults with "throat cancer voice" sound really cool.
6. People who sit at desks all day long are prime candidates for heart 
attacks. Smokers, on the other hand, leave their desks and go outside 
several times per work day.
5. Turns out smoking is a reliable indicator of sluttiness in women.
4. Without cigarettes, the entire economy of our nation's prisons would 
collapse, forcing thousands of American inmates to go without bitches and 
shivs.
3. You're never fully clean until you're emphysemally clean!
2. Smoking is the third safest method of weight loss, after fen-phen and 
heroin.
1. Man, that RuPaul is one hot chick!

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