Phony Psychics

[Collette Darden <csdarden@fyiowa.infi.net> (by way of Richard Lockhart <rlockhar@direct.ca>)]

           The Top 19 Signs Your Psychic Is a Phony

19> Keeps shaking black "crystal ball," then saying, "Ask again later."
18> Tells you you're going to die but doesn't exactly know when or how.
17> Every time you draw the Death card, she yells "Go Fish!"
16> Looks suspiciously like that guy who fixed your muffler last week.
15> Brunswick insignia on "crystal ball."
14> His idea of an "out of body experience" involves whipped cream and
women's clothing.
13> Instead of a Oujia board, has a Wedgie board.
12> During seance, shouts in voice of Wolfman Jack, "Milli Vanilli will be
back!"
11> His spoon bending requires two pliers.
10> Sign in window: "As Seen on '60 Minutes.'"
 9> During card-reading, asks if you want to "hit" or "stand."
 8> Insists that your astrological sign is "The Armadillo."
 7> Psychics Magazine rates her just below fortune cookies, just above your
mom.
 6> Repeatedly attempts to read your palm with his genitalia.
 5> Shakes her crystal ball, then predicts a large snowstorm.
 4> Easily fooled by 'Can of Snakes' gag.
 3> Sonics in 4.
 2> "Ethereal Aroma of the Kindred Spirits" effect during seance only
occurs after a chili-dog lunch.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Psychic Is a Phony...

 1> Just keeps saying in his Mr. T voice, "My prediction: Pain!" 


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